Être Ou Ne Pas Être

This was the view from the apartment my family stayed in.

     Hello to all my wonderful readers. It’s strange for me to write my blogs some weeks. I know that I have friends and family that are following my life, but yet every week I check over the statistics and the number of viewers grows more and more. I don’t know what it is that I am saying that is capturing so much attention, but all the same I want to thank all of you for your support.

     I wanted to clear up a few questions that I have been getting a lot of lately.

     I know that I got quite a lot of feedback concerning my decision of staying in Paris for another year, and the question I got asked most was “Why not? What is holding you back?” I wanted to clear up that I already made my decision. I think I have known for a while that I was going to work to stay another year, but there were a lot of things that I needed to figure out. 1) I am a student at the University of Utah, and I still have at least two years left before I have my degree. 2) My whole life I have lived in Utah with my family, and all this time I have helped to take care of my younger brother who has autism. I left my family during a really hard time, and my brother was (is) facing some trials that involved our whole family. I feel selfish for leaving my family during this struggle. There are several other factors that I needed to work out. Issues that are my own personal struggle, but I knew that the best place that I could be to figure out who I was as a person was to be out in the world on my own.

Train Station in Paris

     So what do I do now? Well I’m going to attempt to take courses online to finish school. It’s hard to think about sitting in a classroom when I can learn so much from going out to see what I am learning. That is decided. I might be finishing college online. What an interesting college experience I have had.

     As for my family, well my experience this week helped to ease that guilt. In my last blog I mentioned that my family came to see me for Christmas. What a blessing that was. I know that it was really hard on my brothers missing their traditional Christmas at home, and I understand that. A few years back we had a Christmas away from home, and although we still had a wonderful time, it was hard to be away from home for that time of the year. Knowing that, I did my best to make Christmas fun and exciting. Especially since I knew that this was all for me. There was no other reason for my family to come to Paris during Christmas except for me, and I am very grateful for that.

     During the week we did many things. On Monday (Christmas Eve) we went to the Modern Art Museum at the Pompidou. If you ever get a chance to come to Paris I recommend going to this museum. It is one of the best that I have ever seen, and I have had my fair share of museums. I love the mix of absolutely stunning pieces of work with the typical art that are often considered as “I could do that!” There is always something interesting here. Things that make you laugh and paintings that make you think. It is absolutely amazing.

There is nothing like family

     It was during this trip that I got to see the changes in my brother Ty. All my life I have known that Ty was different, and that difference has been labeled as autism. Lately his struggles have increased. Not only has his mind slowed down, but his aggression as increased. This developed right before I left for Paris, and it has been hard for me to live here while I know that my family is stressed with this at home. My parents are fighters, and they have been working with multiple methods to help Ty. This trip was the first time I had seen him in person for almost four months, and there is a huge difference! It was on this trip to the museum that we saw my brother laugh in a way that we have not seen in a long time. Seeing this made it a lot easier for me to not feel as guilty for leaving my family when I did.

     I’m sure you’re wondering what my French family was doing this whole time. They were involved in their own holiday celebrations with family, but it was strange on Christmas day was the time that my two worlds collided. Christmas morning was odd. Since we were kids my parents have played the song “Toyland” by Doris Day as we walked out to see our Christmas presents. Even after all this time, it doesn’t feel like Christmas without this song. It was bizarre to be in a foreign place for Christmas, with no tree and no snow, and hear this sweet Christmas song. Then of course there were no gifts for my family. I had gotten a few things to give them, but they had only brought things for me since they saw no point in hauling everything here if they were going to just haul it all back home.

I wouldn't have been able to do any of this
without my wonderful parents.

     The rest of the day was good. I had talked things over with Cecile and she decided that she would like to spend Christmas dinner with my family. So by midafternoon I made my way back to the apartment to pick up the kids for a little walk and visit with my family while Cecile and Alain got some rest. Here is where my life came together. Taking the kids out with my family was great. We went to the local Christmas market by Sacré-Cœur, and I was happy to find that my family was enchanted by these children that I had been caring for. We took them back to our apartment to make caramel popcorn to take back to their parents. We always make caramel popcorn with chocolate during the holidays so it was good that we were able to continue the tradition. Aimée was so smart and so helpful with her cooking skills that it blew away my whole family, especially my mom.

     Christmas dinner at the house was quite fun. It was great for me to show my family where I have been living all this time, and the great family I have been working for. It was nice to see that my new life fell right in patter with the life I came from.

     The day after Christmas was fun. The streets were still busy, and we went to another Christmas market. By this time my dad was over the Christmas markets, so we decided to go see a movie (The Hobbit of course!). Movie theaters in Paris are quite different from the States. First off they are expensive, then the seats are often all ground level, and the theaters are kept very warm. Thank goodness I found a good theater to take my family too, and we were able to have a nice time together.

Caramel popcorn. 

    There was a time or two that my work with the family would become more important, and I would need to leave my family to visit the city on their own. It was in those moments that I realized that I have grown up, and my life is going to be very different from now on. No more relying on my family, there are something’s that I will be doing on my own.

     The last day that my family was here was a bit hard for me. The day before I had sent my French family off on their skiing trip for a week, and the next morning I was walking my family to the train station so they could catch their flight back home. I have never felt more alone than on the walk back home. My French family was gone, the house was empty. Then my family was gone, on their way back home. How much my life has changed in the last four months, and I am not the same person who left Utah. It scares me sometimes to think of the person that I am turning into, and it’s hard to find a balance between who I was raised to be and what the world expects me to be. Yet, this journey and this adventure is what are shaping me, and I can become the person that I want to be. Yes, I am homesick, and there are times that I think about leaving it all and going back home. But I don’t let myself think about that for very long. It’s hard to be sad when you’re the happiest you have ever been. I am not sad that my family left, because I know I will see them again. I am so lucky that I got to see them this time.

Lights on the Champs-Élysées 

     There is one more question that I have wanted to address before I end this blog for the week. I know that I have talked a lot about Aimée and her mood swings, and even on occasion Daniel. Lately I have been asked if I think that Aimée is bipolar. My answer is no. She is not bipolar; she is a pre-teenager going through normal things that kids her age go through. No, she is not on any medication, and she shouldn’t be. There is no reason for a child her age (or any person any age) to find their happiness through pills. I am happy to ride out these roller-coasters of emotion with Aimée because I know that every time she loses her temper it gives me an opportunity to teach her new things about who she is and how she can be better. I love both these children, and would not trade who they are for anything.

     Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. I wish all of you a wonderful new year. May this one be better than any of the years before.

Thank you! I miss you, I love you, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Joyeux Noël de Paris

     Happy Holidays everyone! This is a wonderful time of the year, and it’s a plus that the world didn’t end! The kids and I were playing a little game of “How many languages can you say Merry Christmas In,” and I am happy to say that we were able to get four. See if you can guess the language: Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noël, Buon Natale, and ¡Feliz Navidad. So not really a game, but still the kids loved it!

     As always my week in Paris was wonderful, and I am finally feeling the Holiday spirit! First off, if you are a loyal reader then you will notice a big change I have made to my blog. I have changed the names of family I work for. Why? Because I want my family to have their privacy, and this is the best way to do that. So here is a guide: Cecile is the mother I work for, Alain (Pronounced Alan) is the father. They have two wonderful children named Aimée (Pronounced Amy), and Daniel.

I have missed these two.

     One last thing before I start into the craziness of my week. As I have mentioned several times, I have been offered the opportunity to stay in Paris for another year. This is a huge decision, and I there are many factors that I will need to work out including finishing school. I wanted to know what you all think since you have been reading my blog the whole time, and I know that no one will send me a message so I made it easy. There is a poll on the right side of your screen (you might need to scroll a bit); all I want is a vote. Let’s see what I get back.

     On to my week!

Sara and I

     It has been a crazy week getting ready for Christmas. The stores here are CRAZY! Imagine the craziest day of shopping where you live, now times that by the fact that Paris is famous for their new and trendy shopping. That is what life is like here. Trying to find gifts for my friends and family at home is hard enough, then add in my French family and friends here… whew! And to all those who know me know that I LOVE to Christmas shop for other people. I love the challenge of finding that perfect gift for a person! I really need to tone it down this year. Then I love surprises! I love the magic of Christmas, and watching a person’s reaction as they open a gift I worked hard to find. This year I was only able to send home small gifts or a short Christmas card. The thing I did not expect was all the wonderful presents I have been getting from everyone else. I have gotten cards from family, gifts from my friends and a book of season greetings from my LDS Ward back home. But the best gift arrived yesterday morning; more on that later.

     I took a test in my French class (which I passed), said goodbye to friends as they went back home for the holidays, and enjoyed the last few days of school with the kids. All week has been devoted to Christmas preparation. Gifts are being ordered, and I have watched the kids a lot while the parents get shopping done. It has been a good week. Daniel and I played with strings. The hand string games that we used to play as kids. This week I learned how to do Cat’s Cradle, Jacobs Ladder, Eiffel Tower, and many more with the string. Skills I know will stay with me forever! Daniel thinks they are very cool and has referred to them as “American Magic Tricks.” Yay for America!

Lock Bridge. Sing a lock with your love
and toss the key in the river

     Also this week the kids and I played a game of Charades. If you have never played this game with a child under the age of 10, I recommend it. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Daniel had one where he was doing an action repeatedly for a minute or two, palm flat moving his hand up in down in a chopping motion. After many guesses of “Chopping wood” “cutting fruit” we finally gave up and he explained that he was “a ninja cutting a pizza.” What a unique, random answer! Kept us laughing for the rest of the day! Aimée’s big question to me this week was “How long have we had you?” I have had a wonderful week with the kids. Yesterday we spent the whole afternoon together putting together a puzzle. 300 piece’s with a 9 and 6 year old. I was thinking I would be doing most of it myself, but turns out these kids are amazing with puzzles.

We are a crazy group of people. 

     My Grandma Sandy sent me a BIG box of her homemade cookies this week. Chocolate-chip fruit cake cookies. These cookies mean Christmas time! They were fantastic! At dinner, everyone had at least two each and I'm pretty sure Cecile and Alain had three each. So to have something that EVERYONE liked and wanted more of has been very rare. Well done Grandma Sandy!

     I am starting to feel like part of the family here in Paris. This week I went with the family to Daniel’s school to watch him participate in a Christmas singing performance followed with a breakfast. Sometime it’s a bit strange being an employee to a family and then participating with all the little events. It’s even stranger when the children talk with you after a hard day at school, but they are all things that I am learning to adapt too.

     So the biggest thing that happened this week was my early Christmas present! Yesterday morning I went and picked up my Dad, Mom and two brothers up from the airport. They had decided that they wanted to all be together for Christmas and hopped on a plane to come see me. I haven’t seen my Dad and brothers for more than three months, so it was fun to see them again. Both my younger brother have grown so much taller than me! Today was spent exploring Paris and catching up on stories. I have missed them all so much!

     Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I wish you all a wonderful holiday. I hope it is filled with friends, family, and good memories.

A Few Changes

Bonjour! I will add this to the beginning of my next few blogs, but I wanted to let everyone know that I have made some changes on my page. In order to keep my French family safe I have changed all their names. If you have been following me the whole time and know the names of my family, great! Thank you for following. I only ask that you refer to them in your comments as these new names, or I will delete your comment. Sorry, I want to keep their life anonymous as best as I can. That being said, here is the following: I work for a wonderful French family. Cecile is the Mother, Alain is the Father, Aimée is their daughter and Daniel is their son. Thank you all for following my story.  

Les Merveilles de Noël

     A week from today is Christmas Eve. Wow! That came up fast! This is the first time I have been away from home for Christmas. I think I kept waiting for something to jump out that would remind me of Christmas from home; something that tells me that I am in the Holiday Season and should be merry. I didn't realize that it was already here, it was just in a different form. I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to be living in Paris, and to be here during Christmas. All around the city I am finding Christmas markets, ice skating rinks, Ferris wheels, twinkling lights, Christmas windows, merry-go-rounds, and lots of shopping.

Christmas Market next to the Eiffel Tower

     Every day there is something new and something wonderful! This week I went to several markets, movies, ate strange foods and visited an exhibit. There was also a lot of drama with Aimée, and I will be talking about the truth behind Santa in this blog. You have been warned.

     Paris is always having exhibits. The most recent one I went to was “Paris in Hollywood” at the Hotel De Ville by Notre Dame. It was about how the world views Paris and Persians because of the way Hollywood filmed them. It was really quite interesting. Paris created this culture and Hollywood glorified it.

     I rewrote my resume to send to my college this week. This isn't my first time rewriting it, but for some reason this time I was gripped by the idea that on this short piece of paper listed all my professional accomplishments. Sort of puts my life in perspective. Have a really done anything all these year? Haha! Has anyone else felt this way while writing a resume? 

Our Christmas Tree. I'm surprised
they didn't put any lights on it!

 This week we decorated the apartment for Christmas! That was fun and melancholy for me. At home I LOVED to decorate the Christmas tree, and my family always has these themes and color choices for the year (including pink!). It was very strange decorating someone else’s tree, but it was fun learning all their memories and stories brought back by various ornaments. The house looks beautiful! What a fun time of the year!

     Pre-teens… I don’t think I was very dramatic growing up. Sure I had my moments like anyone else, but now I am getting to live with a full blown dramatic pre-teenager. Thank goodness I was raised with TWO younger brothers! The roller-coasters of emotions that we experience with Aimée is hard! She was sent to bed without any dinner not once, but twice this week due to her attitude. There were several fights and one attempt at running away. Whew! Lucky things calmed down by the end of the week. 

     Good thing there are some funny stories that go with it! One night we were sitting at the dinner table having dinner, and Daniel was explaining something he had learned at school. What we figure is that Aimée got jealous (for whatever reason) and yelled at her brother “Shut Your Cake Hole!” This must have been a phrase she learned at school, because I have never heard it before. Both parents respond quickly, saying that was uncalled for and she needed to apologize, and Alain ended it with “he wasn't even saying anything wrong.” To which Aimée then turned to her dad and said “You Shut Your Cake Hole Too!” There are moments when someone says the wrong thing, and the whole room goes silent as it waits for a response. Daniel and I were on the edge of our seats waiting to see what was going to happen. And that was the first night that Aimée was sent to her bed without dinner. In the meantime “Shut your Cake Hole” has become a joke in the house. 

     Aimée has been very hot/cold all week, and Cecile has used the “Santa’s watching” card several times. Sadly Aimée’s first response was “There is no Santa! You are Santa!” Now, I should explain that my parents were very cleaver with keeping the magic of Christmas and Santa in my life for a very long time, and I am not ashamed to say that I was quite old when I learned the truth. So that being said, as she spit this back at her mom one dinner my insides yelled “NO!! The magic is gone!” Oh and Daniel is sitting there, all big eyed and quiet. Thank goodness Cecile handled it well and the magic is still there, but that lead to another argument and followed with Aimée’s second missed meal.

Tree Topper

     I knew that Cecile was sad about Santa, and even though it was something she knew she would need to talk to Aimée about it more, it was something she would rather not bring up. Well a few months ago I found a story on Pinterest that explained the magic of Christmas perfectly, so I showed it Cecile hoping it might help. It made her cry. Here is the story:

Decorations they put on my door.

“A few months back, the Tooth Fairy got busted. She left a note for Alice up on her computer, and Lucy figured the whole business out. The Tooth Fairy cursed her need to write notes in elaborate fonts and tried to come up with a cover story, but it didn’t fool Lucy. To her credit, Lucy has kept the secret from her little sister, who still hasn’t lost a tooth and deserves to wake up with money under her pillow. But the Tooth Fairy knew it couldn’t be too long before Santa was similarly unmasked. She didn’t know when or how, but she knew the days of magic in her house, at least magic of a certain sort, were coming to an end. And the Tooth Fairy—by which I mean myself—was pretty darned sad about the inevitable, which finally arrived last week. Lucy and I have been exchanging notes since the school year started. We’ve talked about all sorts of things—sports, books we’d like to read, adventures we’d like to have, even stories from when I was in third grade. For the most part, though, it’s been light, casual stuff. Until last week. I NEED TO KNOW, she wrote, using capital letters for emphasis. ARE YOU SANTA? TELL ME THE TRUTH. What do you do when your kid asks for the truth? You tell it, of course, doing your best to figure out a way that keeps at least some of the magic intact. Here’s what I wrote: Dear Lucy, Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?” I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say. The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa. I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.) I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights. This won’t make you Santa, though. Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch. It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments. Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy. With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible. So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too. I love you and I always will. Mama” - Martha Brockenbrough (Pinterest) 

     I have found this to be the best description of Santa I have ever seen. I know that it helped Cecile, and if she will tell Aimée I don't know, but I hope that it will at least keep the magic with her for a bit longer. I read it a few months ago I knew that it was something I was going to need to hold on to. It was the most beautiful/ perfect way to describe Christmas to a curious child. Although I'm going to try many tricks with my kids, like my parents were able to do for me for so many years.

Eating the Sea Fish. 

     This week for dinner we had sea fish! It was crazy! The kids didn't eat any of it (they had salmon), but I decided why not. I don't know what most of it was called (I will need to ask Cecile) It was like giant shrimp and tiny shrimp. You all know that I haven't been a very big fish eater (except for Sushi, yeah I know I’m weird), but I tried it and it wasn't too bad. 

     Aimée finally had the birthday party with her friends this week. It was at the end of the week and at that point we had seen the worst of her mood swings. It was Cecile, Daniel, me, Aimée and five of her friends who went to see Wreck it Ralph (Le Monde De Ralph). It was all in French, but I understood most of what was going on. Aimée was up and down. I think she needed to be toughened up. She is SO sensitive. It is not very good at all. She got mad because one of the girls that came said that she should have invited this other person. When we got to the movie she went and sat in a seat far away from everyone else. Her mom needed to go talk to her, and her friends were all saying how it was very typical Aimée and that she was just being a brat (I could hear them whispering). Then she was mad that one of the girls forgot to bring her present. I don't know how to teach her that this is not how a person acts. She is not going to have any friends if she keeps it up.

      Seeing Aimée with her friends made me very grateful for my friends and the way I was raised. Not that Cecile and Alain are bad parents, but sometimes I think having a strong spirit to grow up in is good for children. It was a lot easier to let go of a grudge toward a friend after going to church every Sunday where I was reminded that everyone deserves to be forgiven and given a second chance, and that there are things more important than the material things we are given.

Found out what these are called! Yum! 

     On a happy note! Yesterday was Sunday and I got to see all my favorite people! I went to Church, walked around a Christmas Market and saw the new Anna Karenina movie. Wow! That movie was a quite a trip, but the costumes were amazing! A great day!

     Now the last thing I want to address what the tragedy in Connecticut. I can't understand a situation like this. It is big news here. Everyone knows what happened, and all eyes are on America right now. What will the gun happy States do? It is hard for me to explain what happened to people here. They don’t understand it. Guns are not allowed on the streets of Paris, and it takes a lot of paperwork and permits to get a gun here. I am at odds with what be a solution to the problem the States are repeatedly faced with, and by reading through several comments online about what the country/ government should do to make a change there are several issues at hand. Clearly our gun laws are not working, but it is more than just that. Could it be that this guy was on too much medication to the point of insanity? That seems like the best explanation, but the question is, why do we need to find an explanation for a situation like this? Why do we need to arm our teachers, or heighten the security of school when we could be focusing on ways to prevent people from going over the edge in the first place? Maybe we need to focus on what we are teaching our students. Regardless of the ifs and the whys, there is going to need to be a change, and if you are the kind of person that is not willing to make a sacrifice for the sake of saving a life then you are the problem. This issues is not going to go away until the nation stops picking one side or another based on their political views, and decides where they stand and what they believe is right. The world is watching, and they know the disputes of U.S.A. better than most U.S. citizens. We need to stop standing to the side to watch these things happen. Overall, I can't believe that we are needed to address this issue, AGAIN.

      Keep these families in your prayers.

There are always peaceful
protests in Paris.

     Next week is Christmas, and I am lucky, my family is coming to see me. It reminds me that Christmas isn’t when I decorate a tree, or when it snows. True Christmas is when I am with my family and remembering how blessed I am. I Miss you, and Love you all.

     

Lafayette Galeries (3 Months in Paris)

     I know my blog has not been very good recently. I would blame it on that I have been really busy, but it could just be that my life here has become routine. There are not a lot of firsts or new adventures on a daily basis. I’m sure that is what happens after living in a new place for 3 months.

Cinderella's Carriage in Lafayette Galeries 

     In two weeks I will get to see my family. They have decided to come see me for Christmas. We have had Christmas’ away from home before, but never like this. We always knew that we would go home and celebrate Christmas with the family later. This is the first year that I will not be home for Christmas. I will let you all know how that goes. 

     I feel guilty for being away from my family, and I feel guilty that there is still so much they need to do for me since I don’t have access to many resources here. Despite being away for the holidays and working on some life changing decisions, I am very lucky to have such a wonderful family who will help me with anything, even from so far away.

     Christmas in Paris is beautiful. Many of the streets have lights going up, Christmas trees are being decorated all over the city, and there is joy in the air. One of the exciting things is the Christmas windows at the Lafayette Galeries. It is this really big department store (10 stories!). I didn’t go into the store because it is very expensive, but the Christmas windows are really fun! There was a whole line of windows that were dedicated to Disney Princesses. It had their life sized dresses and the world they come from. Some windows were cute with spinning dolls, and others were really weird with dancing animals.

Dancing and Spinning Dolls in Christmas Windows   

     It has been a hard few weeks with the kids and the mood swings. Even Daniel lost control this week. Thank goodness it is all coming to an end, and the kids are excited about Christmas coming.

     I need to start deciding how the next few years are going to be for me. Cecile thinks that we need to discuss if I will be staying another year or not around the New Year. She says they would take me on all their trips this summer and that I would be welcomed to stay another year. I am thrilled. There is so much in this life that is good and I can't believe it sometimes. So I have some major life decisions to make. Of course I would need to extend my Visa, the family could help me with that, but I also need to think about school. I figure that I can do online classes for another year. I will eventually need to come back home and finish school, but for now I’m going to work and learn French. I can’t let go of this opportunity.

     It has been very cold in Paris. I’m sure it’s as cold as it gets in Utah, but since I am walking most everywhere, it feels a lot colder. Good thing I have been wearing warm clothes! It snowed the other night, and it is supposed to snow more. Yay!

Visiting Santa at the Ward Christmas Party

     The LDS Ward that I am going to here had their Christmas Party on Friday night. I thought that it would be different from what I was used to at home, but it ended up being more similar than I thought. There was music. Marshmallow pudding and Root beer, it was like being at home. Santa even came to visit the party. The church in Paris is different than anything I have ever experienced. In Utah, sometimes it feels like people are LDS because everyone else is, or it is what their family has been for generations. Here I am meeting people who are the first of their generation, or the only member in their family. LDS members in Utah are spoiled, with our 13 beautiful temples and churches on every corner. I am surprised with how comfortable I became within the church here. I’m used to the same three building designs of the churches in Utah, and to come here and find that the ward building is very different, but the spirit is still the same.

     The longer I live here, the most I get used to the way I am living. My weekly stories have gotten shorter, and the routine has stuck. In the next few weeks, Christmas will be here and my family will be coming so that I can have more stories about traditions and celebrations. I also would be really happy if I could answer anyone's questions. It would help me to know what everyone is interested in knowing about me and my life here. It would help me to write a better blog. If you have a question you can email, message me, or write a comment. I miss you all!

Thanksgiving In St. Germain

This week was an unfortunate emotional roller coaster with Aimée  and it’s not fun to see a child so sad so I rode a lot of it with her. Thank goodness the week ended amazingly surrounded by great supportive friends.

Emily at Thanksgiving 

Aimée turned 9 this week, and her parents threw a wonderful family party for her. Everyone spoke French, so I was only able to pick up half of what was being said, but it was still really fun getting to meet the family. My mom brought some wonderful things for Aimée s birthday when she came. So I was able to give Aimée a cupcake cookbook and some twisty hair pins. She loved them both!

Not too long into the party, Aimée decided that she was not happy with one of the gusts and went to her room for the rest of the night. For the next two days Aimée stomped around the house telling us how much she hated her birthday, and that it was the “worst one yet!” Aimée was in this hot/cold mood all week. It pushed Cecile to her limits. Cecile was also having a hard week because it was the one year anniversary of her mom's death. So having Aimée in a bad mood wasn't helping.

It was during this week that I had my hardest day since moving to Paris. I was drained from this day. Between the French schools telling me that I owned them more money, the Utah school giving me bad news about my major, and Aimée’s bad mood I was not having a great day.

Emily and Joanna fell asleep right after eating.
Me with the family

By the end of the night I was tired and ready for bed, but when I typed out my email to my family I remember how lucky I am.  Overall it was a really crappy day, but this has only been one bad day out of the dozens of wonderful days I've had! Things are going to be hard sometimes, but they will get better. And they did.

My week improved very fast. I went out with Brittany, and we found these AMAZING BAGS at the market for only 10 euros. They are strong and sturdy. The other bags I have been getting are cheap, but not very good. Cecile encouraged me to talk to the school about the over charge and explained that I have already paid what I needed to pay, and turns out that they had made a mistake. Aimée was much better. I tried to give her some time spent with me since I am always trying to keep Daniel occupied.

The biggest thing that happened to me this week was going in for my Medical Appointment for the French Consulate. It was kind of scary. Right when I walked up to the door there was a riot going on. The people looked like gypsies, and were blocking the door. There were police there who had to fight them back. It was freaky. I had to get a police man to escort me in. When I finally got in, the lady told me not to take out my passport. After that, the appointment was fine. It took almost 40 minutes before I could see the doctor, and I only talking to them for maybe 20 minutes. They checked eyes, weight, height, lungs and blood pressure. After I was finished they said that was the last thing I would need to do and they would send me the medical card. They also gave me an x-ray of my lungs! So that’s fun.  

Sometimes you just need to join in and dance in the street. 

The family went on a little trip to London this weekend for Aimée s birthday, so I had the apartment to myself. It was quite a journey getting the kids to the train station after picking them up from school, and after two trains and an RER ride I got them to their parents. Whew. Then I came home and napped for 13 hours. I was out for so long that I had friends sending me messages to see if I was OK. J

The weekend was really nice. It started with a lovely sushi lunch and movie with Brittany (ARGO, Go see it! Fantastic!), and ended with a beautiful trip to St. Germain to see Emily and Joanna for a second Thanksgiving Dinner. It was a wonderful day. We cooked a Thanksgiving dinner in the morning, sat down with the family in the afternoon, and watched a movie to end it all off. St. Germain is BEAUTIFUL. I decided that if I ever move to Paris I would live in St. Germain with my family. There was a Christmas market going on in the town and we walked up there to find a big dance in the streets. Of course, Emily was over there in a second, but it took me a minute to choose to join her. I was never going to get this moment again. It was so much fun! I love it! I am so happy for the wonderful life I have here and all the love that I found while living here. 

Thanksgiving In Paris

     This was my first thanksgiving away from home. What an experience!

     It’s been a bit hard on my family. Since I’m getting into a good routine here I don’t have as many stories to send home to my family and my emails are becoming shorter. I do hope that things will start to pick up soon. I had a busy and long week.

Our Dinner Table

     I can't even begin to describe everything that I have been feeling lately. I am very happy, and I am learning so many new things. I think that after I am done here, I'm going to need to become a flight attendant just like my mom so that I will be able to visit all these new friends I am making.

     This week the kids got “sick.” On Monday, I got a call from Cecile saying that Aimée wasn't feeling well and she asked if I could pick Daniel up from school since she would need to be home with Aimée. After arriving home with Daniel, we found that Aimée was doing all right, and I think Daniel got a little jealous that Aimée got to stay home all day.

     Cecile needed to leave for London for two days and Alain was in Tokyo all week. I was going to have the kids by myself for two days. Now that Aimée was sick, it complicates things

     Cecile checked Aimée right before she went to bed and found that she had a fever. She got really worried since she was leaving for London the next morning. After checking her all night, and finding nothing, she started to wonder if Aimée was faking being sick. I know what you’re thinking, how do you fake a fever? Well Aimée is a smart little girl and she had hot water bottle. So far the only symptoms she had were an upset stomach and a mysterious 10 minute fever. Nonetheless, she was going to school the next day.

     The whole next morning Aimée was asking me what time I got done at school. Why? “In case I get sick and need you to come get me.” I wouldn’t tell her the time because I knew that she was just trying to get out of school. The rest of the morning went fine with no problems.

     That was when I got a call during class from Daniel's school. He was sick and I needed to come get him. When I got to him he was fine. He looked and acted fine. I'm surprised the school let him leave. The whole way home he was asking me if he was going to get to watch a movie because “Aimée got to!” Oh brother…  

     I talked to Cecile in London and she agreed that he wasn't really sick, but that I should just take him home and take care of him like he was sick. That means that he didn't get to watch any movies, he was to only eat a little because he was complaining of a stomach cramp, and he had to take a nap.

     When I picked Aimée up all she could talk about was how sick she was and that she needed to stay home from school the next day. Of course, as soon as I brought her home, both kids were running around the house playing like nothing was wrong. My goodness, it’s the first time that I have both the kids for 48 hours without the parents and they are pretending to be sick. I was going out of my mind trying to show them what it really meant to be sick. It became a day of teaching the kids that they can't play hooky from school. They seemed to get the point since they were much better the next day.

In Good Company 

     Wednesdays in France are different from that in the States. The kids don’t go to school on Wednesdays, but since the kids are going to a private school, they go to half days on Wednesday. I usually don’t work Wednesdays, but with Cecile gone I worked this one. I picked them up at 12:30, and they both seemed really happy and feeling much better. They got to see their friends, and then we went and to have lunch. It was really fun. I don't think I have had lunch with the kids since the first week I was here.

     Aimée is going to a handwriting specialist. Cecile thinks that she actually might be a bit of a therapist and that maybe she will be able to help Aimée with her anger. Help her to let things go more often rather than hold on to her hate. That's very interesting. I have been working with her a little on that. I have been trying to teach her things that I learned in Young Women but without involving the religious part of it since that’s something the family doesn’t want from their au pairs.

     Daniel has been asking me about science experiments. SO when he gets T.V. time I have been showing him video's from Ellen's science experiments she did on her show. Cecile thinks it's funny and allows it. Well after he watched those he didn't have anything else to watch but wanted more. I'm always trying to find safe things for him to watch, so I started showing him the Bill Nye the Science Guy videos. They are good, clean, and he loves them. Great! Now he wants to do some of the experiments (thanks Bill Nye for the “you can do this too!”). So we tried to do the Mentos and Coke explosion. Well it didn't really work, and Geoff says that I didn't do it right.

     We got to have thanksgiving dinner! Most of my day was spent looking for sweet potatoes and pecans. They do not sell those here in France, or at least not like we do in America. You can find ANYTHING in America. Most time you only need to go to one store and get everything you need from groceries to cleaning products to toys to clothes... I mean think of Wal-Mart. Now imagine each section being a separate store. Now imagine they are spread out all over the city, and some stores carry things that others don't. I plan on mastering this system before I come home. 

The Sweet Potato Souffle 

     Paris doesn’t have much of anything for thanksgiving dinners, because they don’t celebrate it (for obvious reasons). Eventually I did find everything that I needed for the sweet potato soufflé that I was making for the family. Cecile invited Brittany over for thanksgiving, and so began our celebration. We had chicken (it’s hard to get turkey); sweet potato soufflé, green beans, pumpkin soup, and Brittany made a wonderful pecan pie. I got the chance to talk with my family over Skype right before their dinner, so overall it was a good thanksgiving.

     Although I didn’t get to spend as much time with her this week as I would have liked, Emily has been helping me with my French. She has a better understanding of it than I do, and she was able to explain a few things that I haven’t understood in all my years of French. She has such wonderful stories about her home and so many well deserved opportunities. I am so happy to be her friend. It was a good week for friends. I got to see them all, and got to hear all their magnificent stories. They are all so brilliant. How did I get so lucky to meet such amazingly talented girls?

     By the end of the week, I realized how hot/cold the kids were being. They would be crying one minute and laughing the next! I was blown away! Back and forth, this and that. They would be hanging on to me the whole time, then run away saying they were mad and want everyone to leave them alone. It was so bad they once waited for me outside of the bathroom. It was cute and annoying sort of a week.

     Tomorrow is Aimée’s birthday, and tonight the family came over to celebrate. It was a very French night, and I was only able to understand half of it.

     What a crazy busy week. I really hope that next week will be a bit slower.

My Worst Nightmare

This is only up during the Holidays 

     What a WEEK! I am so happy that it is over and I can start this next week fresh and new. This has been the most stressful week since I arrived in Paris almost two and a half months ago. It is such a long story that I’m just going to jump in and describe my week. Sorry to all of you who are reading this story for the second time.

      

     I spent a good amount of my free time looking at school for next semester. I need more French classes since the ones that I am taking are not helping me enough, and I have the time to work on them. I am also going to try to apply for a Communications Internship for next semester while also attempting a few online classes. Hey, I might as well work on my major when I have time right. J Also, because I am still in the process of getting into the French governments system I will need to have a medical checkup which I pay for with stamps.

     I also hear the Utah got a really big snow storm this week! It's funny, while living in Utah I'm not a big fan of the snow. Now that I'm away from it, I miss it very much! Although, I don't miss driving in the snow!

     Thursday was without a doubt the worst day I have had in Paris. This MAJOR event set the mood for the week, and it didn’t get much better from that.

Beautiful Brittany 

     I have been a bit cross with the kids lately. They have been having a hard time listening to me and it has really gotten on my nerves. Well this day was the KING of all days. Every time we go to the metro I try to hurry and collect there metro cards, before they lose them, but Daniel always wants to play with his. I was focused on getting them through and on to the train as quickly as possible, and Daniel was playing with his metro card on the escalator. Right as I was reaching up to get the pass from him, he lets it go and we all watch as it slides all the way down the side of the escalator to the bottom! There is no turning around to get it, and as soon as we get to the top I have to move so I’m not in the way of those behind me. I go around and stand on the other side of the railing next to the escalator with Daniel right beside me, and I'm trying to see if I can lean over to see the pass. I can't.

     Now, all of the following is happening at the same time: I look up to see Aimée standing at the end of the escalator, looking down it. I turned to talk to Daniel, explaining how this is exactly why he needs to listen to me the first time. The train pulls up and a big group of people get off right where we were standing. There are people all around the Metro; some getting on and some getting off. As soon as the train has pulled away and the people have cleared out, I look up to see that Aimée is gone.

Someone in France has an interesting
sense of humor. These are on a lot of statues
around Paris 

     I have never felt such terror in my life than I did right at that moment. Of course the missing metro pass seemed unimportant now, as I am searching the station for Aimée. I realize after a minute or two that she must have gotten on the train.

     I drag Daniel through the station (and I should mention that I am also towing two very large backpacks) to the ticket/information counter where I ask if they speak English. I know there is no way I'm going to be able to pull out the vocabulary to explain what has happened. Of course, they do not. SO I have to talk to them through Daniel (who is six). As soon as Daniel told them we have a missing girl, the man is on the radio describing Aimée with the details that we are providing him.

     Next, I called Cecile. There is nothing worse than calling the mother of the children you are caring for and telling her that you lost one. I explained what happened and she tells me that in an event like this they told Aimée to go to the next station get off and wait. Again because of my poor French, I then pass her to the controller and they talk for a minute. The only thing I’m left with when I get the phone back is “stay calm, and keep me informed.”

     I stay calm. I don’t need to freak out. It won’t help anything, but I am losing my mind. I LOST ONE OF THE CHILDREN!

Booth on the Champs-Élysées. I don't know what they
are, but they are really good!   

     In the meantime the man has turned off his open sign and is on the radio with several controllers trying to locate her, asking me lots of questions. Daniel was very good to answer them all and ask me when he didn't know what to say. Finally, the guy gives me the thumbs up and says they found her. She was at next stop. When she noticed I wasn’t there she had gotten off to wait for me. Keep in mind, she is eight years old. They told me to go pick her up, but that I was going to need to talk to the Police.

     I call Cecile to tell her that they found her and that the police might call her to confirm that she can go with me since they weren't sure if she was trying to run from me. We waited about a half hour for the police to come (they would not let me talk to Aimée until they came) and after answering a lot of question I was finally able to take them both home.

     While we were waiting the lady at the booth told me that Aimée did exactly what she was suppose too. She got off the train at the next stop and went straight to the booth and told them she was lost. I was so proud of her.

     At this point I am exhausted. From the time I lost her until I found her was about 10 minutes. From the time I got to her until she was allowed to come home with me was about 45 minutes.

     Aimée didn't cry or have any problems. She just told me what she did. While she was looking down the escalator a group of teenaged boys came up and asked her if she has lost a Metro pass. She said yes and they gave it to her. She had the pass and thought that I had gotten on the train so she got on. By the time she realized that I wasn't there, she had to make the decision to get off. So all was there and all was OK. It just took a lot of work to get it right.

     I was still really stressed. Mad at myself for letting this happen and worried about what Cecile was going to say when we got home.

     We started working on homework as soon as we got home. The first thing Cecile did when she got home was give Aimée a hug and the second thing she did was come give me a hug. She said that it could have happened to anyone and that it was all OK now. It was something that we all needed to learn from.

My new friend Joanna

     I explained the whole story to her later and she was impressed with how quickly I responded, how Aimée knew to get off at the next stop, and that the police wouldn't release her too me until they had spoken with Cecile. It was all very well done. She went on to tell me about things that have happened when she was watching the kids. I am so grateful that everything worked out. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. 

     It was two days later that I picked up the kids again. It was the first time since the lost child incident. Before we started going I pulled them both aside and explained the rules for our journey home. No running, make sure you can all ways see me, no playing on the escalator, and most important stay together. It was a successful trip.

     This has been a big week full of lessons on listening for the kids. And for me to know to NEVER let my guard down. This could have turned out much worse than it did. I also realize that I don't really know what to do when the kids get hurt or sick. I’m surprised it was nothing that Cecile and I had ever discussed. Now I know. I know what to do and the kids know what to do.

     Sadly, the week isn’t over yet.

     On Friday I was warming up some macaroni that Cecile had made for the kids the night before, and the oven mitt slipped and I ended up grabbing it with the wrong side of the cloth. It was the thinner side of the cloth. I have been burnt before, but nothing like this. I imminently ran my hand under cool water for 15 minutes, and it felt fine. I kept making dinner, but after 5 minutes the pain came back. For the next hour and a half I was switching between cooking dinner for the kids, taking care of them, feeding them, cleaning the kitchen, putting them to bed, and having to run to the sink every 5 minutes to give my hand some relief.

Champs-Élysées Christmas Market 

     It was all four fingers that got burnt, and it got to the point that I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I thought about calling someone to come help me. By the way this whole time Cecile and Alain were at a play and were unreachable. Not that I would have called them. If it were one of the kids, then yes, I would have tried to call them, but I'm a big girl and I can handle pain.

     My hand felt like it was on fire. There was nothing that I could do to make it feel better, except stand with cool water running over it. I had no pain medication, and no way of getting help. The first 10 websites I looked at said that if it was still painful after 30 minutes, then a trip to the hospital was needed or there would be permanent damage. Meanwhile, I am calmly getting the kids down to bed and cleaning the kitchen. Then I stood in my bathroom with cool water running over my shaking hand, trying to find anything on the internet that would help. It had to be house hold stuff that I could easily find. The website called earthclinic.com had a lot of home remedies. The number one thing for burns was aluminum foil. I thought that was very weird, but was very desperate and decided to try it. As soon as it was wrapped around my fingers the pain was gone. I have never seen anything like that! In the morning there was no pain and all I had were blisters. I am so happy that I didn't have to call the emergency room.

There was a whole booth of things made out of Chocolate.
There were tools, scissors, and camera's, all out of
Chocolate! 

     To top off my week, while the parents were out last night Aimée came to me at 9:00 pm to announce that she was sick and had thrown up. That was the cherry a top the end of a very bad week.

     This week was also drama filled with my family. I’m sure those of you who are friends with my mom heard most of it, but the biggest was that my dear sweet dog lost an eye this week. She is no longer in pain so that is all that matters. I can’t help but think that I was very close to that same conclusion 3 months ago, and I ended up recovering with no side effects. Sending love to my one eyed puppy.

     I also missed my brother in his first High School play! He was Nana in Peter Pan. It’s been hard to miss the little things.

     On a less depressing and gross note, I had a wonderful time seeing Paris with my Friends. After all that drama, it was nice to see them and tell them about my mistake! Well everyone except Sara! And it was her birthday! The day we were supposed to meet she got sick, and I felt so bad for her. It’s not fun being sick, especially since we work where we live. I did get to see a movie this week and that was a new experience.  

     I went with Brittany to the American Church in Paris yesterday, because they were having a Christmas craft market. It was really nice and interesting. It was weird to hear so much English. We talked with a lady who is from Michigan. She said that her and her husband were going to be moving back home after living in Paris for 14 years. He is going to be retiring and they can't afford to live here anymore. She says that once you experience living in another country especially Paris your life is never really the same. Home is never really home anymore. Yet Paris will never fully be your home, and you just wonder in this in-between space. I feel that way, but she made it sound more negative then I think it really is. I don't think I will be the same because I have learned so much about who I am and what I want. Home will always be Utah, but I think I can also make a new home. I feel lost, but not in a bad way. I feel like things will never be the same, but I'm not scared of the future anymore. I know I can be happy anywhere.

     Today after church I met up with Emily as she introduced me to her friend Joanna. I have been so lucky to meet wonderful people! The three of us walked a lap around Paris. I was so tired when I came home, but it was so fun! On the Champs-Élysées they were having a BIG Christmas market that looks like it will be up until Christmas. There was food, hot drinks, amusement rides for the kids, soap stands, toy stands, jewelry and hat stands… it was very fun. We loved it so much that we missed our chance at getting into a fun art exhibit that was what we had originally planned. I’m so excited to go see the street at night while it’s decorated!

     Well thank goodness this week won’t be as hard as this last week, and it’s Thanksgiving! I’m doing something with the family (they don’t celebrate it here for obvious reasons) and I’m so excited to show you all the pictures and stories. Whew! So happy this week is over.